Lilly Ryan Beckett

I know I write about Lilly all the time. She is always on my mind. She is so precious and I miss her so much. I feel like I am missing out on so many things. I know that most grandparents feel this way and usually do 'miss out' on events in their grandchildren's lives. However, Lilly has been with me since birth. I helped to bring her into this world. I was there helping to clean her off moments after she arrived. I was there when she was sick and no one knew what was wrong with her. I was also there on the day they told my daughter that Lilly had Septo-optic dysplasia (SOD) and among others things, she was blind. I was absolutely amazed that Brittany held it together and went straight to, 'what do we do to help her.' She is such a strong and amazing mother. She always provides only the best for Lilly. She works with her everyday to help her stay developmentally even with her peers. Lilly will be turning a year old in less than 30 days. We have been on a very long and winding journey with Lilly. Multiple hospital visits, numerous doctors visits, hundreds of shots and heal sticks and blood tests, meetings with hospital higher ups to demand proper medical care for Lilly. She is truly the most blessed thing that has ever happened to me and my family.

Lilly babysitting baby Daniel

I worry all the time about how Lilly will be as she grows up. How will she do in school, how will she get along with other children, how will they treat her, how will she get around, what will she do when she is older. I have a million more questions. How will her teachers treat her, what if she is bullied, will she get a seeing eye dog or a cane or both, will she ever see her mothers beautiful face and know she looks just like her mother when she was little.  Once Brittany gets married I fear I will see them less and less as time goes by. Life happens and things get busy and visits slow down. I just hate missing things that she does. She is a ham...all the time! She dances and 'strikes a pose'. She is not imitating anyone, because she can't see them, but she make a pose with a flair!! She is so gentle with her fingers feeling your face or holding on to you, she is happy...all the time. She is getting her own little personality and is  enjoying joking around with you. She is a sneaky little thing. She will hold both of your hands (so they are occupied) and use her foot to feel around for things that she is not supposed to have--cell phones, iPads, glasses etc. Then she uses her foot to bring them close to her.

Ok I'll stop going on and on about Lilly.

Onto another topic...SNOW! I want it!! a lot of it!! I don't know if we are going to get it, but I NEED a snow day. Not just so I can be off work but I need to be relaxed and soothed. Watching the snow fall is very soothing and enjoyable to me. I need a day to just unwind! I have so many things going on and so many things due for work and school that I am beginning to get stressed...A LOT!!! I am not really a drinker but I have considered starting. Maybe I could get lost in a bottle of tequila! No instead I get lost in a large portion of food! Why can't I be one of those people that lose weight like crazy when they are stressed...noooo I have to be one that eats everything in site and gains a 1000 pounds!! Speaking of eating...I started my new meal plan today. It was very tasty. Egg salad and veggie soup. I am still taking my lunch from home every day. Much better and cheaper than school lunches. I have a wedding to go to in August so there needs to be less of me soon.

It's past my bedtime so I'm signing off!
Good night Lillybug, MiMi loves you with every fat inch of her body!!

KK