What started it all...

So I just returned from my Art Conference which is where this blog originated. Last year at this time, I was inspired to get in touch with my creative side. I decided that when the new year arrived I would start this blog and start focusing on me. So 'Moving Me' started. I feel like I have not met my own expectations in actually moving me towards anything. I really have not accomplished most of the things I wanted to do. I have done a few things, but trying to get back to my creative self has not really been my focus. I will be taking a painting class November 16th. I am looking forward to this class. I have always wanted to improve my painting skills.

Over this last year I have learned a few things about myself and others. I have come to realize that I am the happiest when I am making other people happy. I absolutely love to cook. When I have free time for myself, I either waste it away or end up doing something for someone else. I enjoying watching TV and staying home. I love to have friends and family over. I don't like fake friends. I don't like liars. I don't like Lilly living so far away. One of the most important realizations that I have had is about Lilly.

I know I always talk about her in almost every blog I have done, but she is always on my mind. She is so very special. She has stolen my heart and has such a strong grip on it that it takes my breath away. When I had Brittany and Jonathan, they were my entire world. When I had Brittany I was certain that I would never be able to love another child like I loved her. There was no way, she was too special. Then along came Jonathan and he had my heart from the second I laid eyes on him. I found that there was room for both my babies in my heart. I didn't ever think I could love anyone as much as those two...until Lilly came along. Everyday I see her grow and change. I feel so proud of Brittany. She is such a wonderful mother to Lilly. I couldn't do it any better ( except keeping socks on her cold feet, lol). I am very passionate about the care Lilly receives. It infuriates me to have these "professionals" act like it is acceptable for Lilly to be behind or slower in her accomplishments because she is blind. If I hear one more person tell me this I might have to punch them in the face!! My next step is to hire an advocate/lawyer to help these people understand that their lack of seriousness in educating Lilly is unacceptable and will be changed. Enough said!

I have realized over the last year that I am thankful for my family. My sister moved from Atlanta to be closer to my parents. I love that she is so close. I have missed hanging out with her over the past years. I am thankful I still have my parents and have realized I need to spend as much time with them as I can. I love that I am close with my brother. We missed out on a lot of time when we were young, but I feel like we have made up for that and we are stronger than ever.  I miss going out with Jim. We used to go out every Friday night to play poker and I miss that. I miss all the kids being at my house at any given time. My niece used to be over with her kids everyday and it's hard not to see them all the time. I hate that Lilly doesn't live with me anymore. I have had her since she was born and it's very hard to be without her.

There are still a few things that I would like to do before this year is over. I am not sure if I can get them done. I think I want to try to do this blogging thing again next year and really do it they way I had it in my mind at first. I really do want to get back to my artistic side and that may have to include a cooking class or two.

Good Night,
KK

Post Wedding

I just read over my last post that was the day before the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and we all had a great time. Vacation was wonderful. Keeping Lilly was a challenge. She literally was stuck to me like glue. Every time I tried to put her down she would cry...loud! I couldn't find Lilly's medicine, I let her fall down the stairs, and I didn't get to shower for three days!! But we made it and had a get time with her.

School has started back and it seems like I am just as busy as I was last year when I was going to school and working. I got my degree in the mail the other day. I need to find a frame for it. I feel very proud when I look at it.

I have not had a free weekend yet to do my painting class. I planned a special weekend for my mom's birthday. We had such a great time. I appreciate Sue's help in organizing the trip. She made it all possible!! We went by train to Atlantic City. We took mom the the Taj Mahal and then to see one of her favorite singers, Engelbert Humperdinck. She really had a great time.

This pass weekend we took Lilly to the pumpkin patch. We had a great time. I really have a hard time watching other kids do "normal" things and Lilly not being able to see what other children do. I know she is happy and she doesn't know anything different. But I have such a hard time dealing with it. It breaks my heart that she can't see and she doesn't know there are so many things she is missing out on. I have to admit that my daughter is the strongest person I know. She never lets Lilly's difficulties get in her way. She is so strong and positive. She is the best mother I know. Over the years I have seen many mothers worry and debate over things. Organic or not, juice or no juice, breast milk or formula, homemade baby food or store bought, cloth diapers or not, medicines or natural remedies, daycare or home sitter....Blind or seeing. Everyday Brittany has to deal with making sure Lilly has her lifesaving medication, everyday Brittany is faced with the fact that her baby girl can not see her face yet she stays so strong, upbeat, and brave. She is my hero. I wish I could be more like her!

We are taking Lilly to see all new doctors. The ones she has are good doctors but they do not communicate with each other and they all want different things for Lilly. They do not all agree about anything. Hopefully these new doctors will be on the same page. We will be going to Washington's Children's Hospital.

It's that time of year again when I get to go to my Art Conference. This year it is here at home in Northern Virginia. I'm still getting a room and can't wait to be away for a few days. I always come home with wonderful ideas for my classroom. I have been thinking about doing an art club before or after school. But what I really would like to do is have an adult art class after school. I would like to do some art projects with the teachers. Maybe a couple of classes with ceramics, scrapbooking, journals, jewelry making, and maybe even painting. I might have to put out a survey to see if anyone is interested. I haven't done a single art project for myself all year. That's one of the things I really wanted to work on this year. I also would like to take that cake decorating class. I need to look into that!! Anyone interested in trying cake decorating?

I am feeling very tired so I better head off to wonderland.

Night,
KK

The Wedding is Almost Here

Well, it's been a very long time since I have blogged. I didn't realize just how long. My life has been a whirlwind lately. Time just slipping away but extremely slow at times too. I just finished my Master's Program. I took my SLLA test to be a Principal and passed. (I was very concerned because the test was so hard) I passed my collective record for my internship. And just finished my last class. It is such a good feeling. When I started this venture 2 and 1/2 years ago I was scared but ready. My kids were grown and I had plenty of time for me. Then Lilly came and Jim got very ill. I have been super busy ever since. Now thats all behind me.

I have been planning for Brittany's wedding. Today is the last day before we journey to Virginia Beach for the ceremony. I have been going crazy making wedding things. I have a secret for Brittany (I'm so excited to show her) BTW, thanks Danielle for all your help! While I'm thanking people: I want to thank my family for supporting me through all my craziness with school, my friends, all of them, for helping me and keeping me sane, and for helping me organize this wedding. It's almost here. I looked back and baby pictures of Brittany and remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. She was turning one in this picture. Lilly looks a lot like her. I am happy that Brittany has found someone to love and loves her and Lilly. But also sad because I know as time goes on I will see her less as she starts her own family. I'm not a greedy person at all, however, I don't want to share Brittany and Lilly on Holidays ( I know I have too, but I don't want to).

I hope everything goes exactly the way Brittany wants it to be for her wedding. We have planned and made things for months now. When the wedding is over, our vacation starts. I get to keep Lilly for the week while Brittany and Sean go on their honeymoon. I am very nervous and excited about that. I have to remember all her medicines and feeding schedules. But I can't wait to be able to sit , relax, and enjoy her company.

When this wedding is over, for the first time in over 2 years I will have nothing to do. My plan is to finally take the painting class I have put off for months. I would also like to work on my to do list posted back in January.

1. I want to go to New York City.
2.  I need to get a pedicure ( apparently that must happen frequently according to one gf)
3.  Now that I have time, I need to clean out my car.
4. Scuba lessons....(still not so sure about that)
Adding to the list:
5. Cake decorating class
6. Decorate the house

I got the pedicure and as a matter of fact will be getting another one today!! I did finally clean out my car! So New York City is tops on the list. Surely I have more things to do than this.

Laps 4 Lilly is coming in September. It's a 5k for Columbia Lighthouse for the Blind. All my friends and family supported us last year. I hope we can do the same or better this year. It's for a great cause and Lilly will be able to use their services, such as summer camp, soon. Laps 4 Lilly Here is the link to our fundraising page. Please join our team or make a donation if you can. You can choose to register for a timed run or walk for fun. Lilly and I will be walking.

Well it's just about time to get up and get moving. Everyone will be here soon. Let the chaos begin!!

KK

Best Weekend Ever!!

This weekend was absolutely by far the best weekend I have had in a long time. It started off great and only got better. Friday night, Sue and I had a wonderful dinner and relaxed and caught up on our shows. It was very nice to sit back, relax, and enjoy our quiet time. Saturday, my mom and daddy came to visit me. My daddy made me a beautiful headboard for my bed. We went shopping and out to lunch. After our shopping we came home to install the headboard. They only stayed for a few hours and then they went home. My niece Melissa came to visit later on Saturday. Her and Destiny got there about 6:30. We went to pick up Sue and headed for the movies!! I love going to the movies. We went to see Oz, the Great and Powerful. We decided we could have waited for it to come out on DVD, but it was good. Sunday came and I actually slept in for the first time in a long time. I started the day by face-timing Brittany and Lilly. She was in Loudon visiting Sean and they were going to meet me for lunch so I could see her and Lilly. We met at Noodles & Co., Brittany favorite place. I fed Lilly and played with her for an hour. Then I talked Brittany into letting me have her for the rest of the day. What a JOY!! We had the best afternoon EVER! I got her all to myself, no sharing, no interruptions!! It was so nice to hold her and talk to her and play with her. She finally settled down in my arms and fell asleep. I sat in the chair for almost two hours just holding her and staring at her beautiful face. She is the sweetest thing on this Earth! She is so gentle especially when she takes her tiny fingers to feel your face. She starts at my chin and slowly works her way up to my glasses and promptly takes them off. She doesn't want them on. Then she continues to up to my hair. Once she has searched my entire face she presses her little palm gentle on my cheek, and then puts her tiny little head on my chest. Its almost like she is saying ahhhh that's my MiMi, I love you. She is just so sweet. She is an angel sent straight from God. She has changed our lives in so many ways. I had to take Lilly back to meet B a little bit ago and it was so sad. I miss her already.

I have a lot more to talk about but I am falling asleep. I'll have to pick up again another night. Going to bed early to end a PERFECT weekend!!

Good Night all,
KK

Snow Day

I finally got my snow day! I had such high hopes of all the things I want to accomplish on my snow day. I had plans to work on my computer class, grad work, cleaning my room, baking, and catching up on sleep. Well I'm sorry to report I did nothing. First of all, I woke up at 4:00 am. I have no reason why this happened but I could not go back to sleep. So I watched news about the storm for three hours!! Finally fell asleep at about 7:00. I did make a nice homemade breakfast for Jonathan and me. We watched a movie together and I made us lunch. I stayed in my pj's all day! It was lovely, relaxing, and refreshing. My best girlfriend texted me and twisted my arm to go out with her tonight. And, I did. We had a great time playing poker, then she talked me into a Beer Pong tournament!! No Beer involved just pong. It was a blast. We need a lot of practice, but for first time players we held our own! I miss you K-squared. Come to find out even though I got nothing done today, I get another shot at it tomorrow!! Another snow day. How lucky am I?

All the family is coming home this weekend, so I will have a house full. I'm excited. I get to cook and see everyone. We are all going to VA Beach for the day to look at a wedding venue. We found a superb deal and need to check it out.

I looked back at my list of things I wanted to do and realized I haven't done any of them. I need to get working on them right away. I really want to go to New York City. I'm not going alone so Danielle, Hani..who's in? I am going to Atlantic City for two nights over Spring Break. We are staying in the Chairman Tower at the Taj...so nice. A room with a view. I will be playing poker and relaxing in the indoor pool. I might even visit the Coach outlet store, who knows.

Going to AC also brings with it a butt load of guilt. I find myself riddled with guilt. Guilt for not going home to see my parents and guilt for not visiting Jim my entire break. I will see him for four days of my break. I know I will no have my parents forever, but I won't be seeing them over break. I am stressing about going but feel I need to do something that I want to do. Then I feel guilty that I'm not wanting to go visit family. It's just a vicious circle. It has been months since I have done something just for myself, so I hope everyone understands. I have to pray for some peace about this and other things too. I find myself constantly worrying about Brittany and Lilly and I just can not find the peace. I have prayed about it but the peace is not coming. Something is keeping me worried. I'll just keep praying.

Look at that face! God love her!!

Bonne nuit,
KK

Lilly Ryan Beckett

I know I write about Lilly all the time. She is always on my mind. She is so precious and I miss her so much. I feel like I am missing out on so many things. I know that most grandparents feel this way and usually do 'miss out' on events in their grandchildren's lives. However, Lilly has been with me since birth. I helped to bring her into this world. I was there helping to clean her off moments after she arrived. I was there when she was sick and no one knew what was wrong with her. I was also there on the day they told my daughter that Lilly had Septo-optic dysplasia (SOD) and among others things, she was blind. I was absolutely amazed that Brittany held it together and went straight to, 'what do we do to help her.' She is such a strong and amazing mother. She always provides only the best for Lilly. She works with her everyday to help her stay developmentally even with her peers. Lilly will be turning a year old in less than 30 days. We have been on a very long and winding journey with Lilly. Multiple hospital visits, numerous doctors visits, hundreds of shots and heal sticks and blood tests, meetings with hospital higher ups to demand proper medical care for Lilly. She is truly the most blessed thing that has ever happened to me and my family.

Lilly babysitting baby Daniel

I worry all the time about how Lilly will be as she grows up. How will she do in school, how will she get along with other children, how will they treat her, how will she get around, what will she do when she is older. I have a million more questions. How will her teachers treat her, what if she is bullied, will she get a seeing eye dog or a cane or both, will she ever see her mothers beautiful face and know she looks just like her mother when she was little.  Once Brittany gets married I fear I will see them less and less as time goes by. Life happens and things get busy and visits slow down. I just hate missing things that she does. She is a ham...all the time! She dances and 'strikes a pose'. She is not imitating anyone, because she can't see them, but she make a pose with a flair!! She is so gentle with her fingers feeling your face or holding on to you, she is happy...all the time. She is getting her own little personality and is  enjoying joking around with you. She is a sneaky little thing. She will hold both of your hands (so they are occupied) and use her foot to feel around for things that she is not supposed to have--cell phones, iPads, glasses etc. Then she uses her foot to bring them close to her.

Ok I'll stop going on and on about Lilly.

Onto another topic...SNOW! I want it!! a lot of it!! I don't know if we are going to get it, but I NEED a snow day. Not just so I can be off work but I need to be relaxed and soothed. Watching the snow fall is very soothing and enjoyable to me. I need a day to just unwind! I have so many things going on and so many things due for work and school that I am beginning to get stressed...A LOT!!! I am not really a drinker but I have considered starting. Maybe I could get lost in a bottle of tequila! No instead I get lost in a large portion of food! Why can't I be one of those people that lose weight like crazy when they are stressed...noooo I have to be one that eats everything in site and gains a 1000 pounds!! Speaking of eating...I started my new meal plan today. It was very tasty. Egg salad and veggie soup. I am still taking my lunch from home every day. Much better and cheaper than school lunches. I have a wedding to go to in August so there needs to be less of me soon.

It's past my bedtime so I'm signing off!
Good night Lillybug, MiMi loves you with every fat inch of her body!!

KK

New Day

Well I'm glad to report I kept my promise from last week! I went to play poker with my friends and had a great time! I also promised I would walk. I did! It was much easier going down the hill from my house than it was on the way home back up the hill! But I did it. Tomorrow starts a new day. I have packed my lunch from home every day this week. My goal is to stop eating school lunches. Apparently they are not as healthy as they claim to be. I have either eaten a school lunch or stopped at WaWa on the way to school. So that's out now. Tonight, Sue is making her famous and also so delicious meatloaf, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, and deviled eggs. This is our final meal, after this we will be watching what we eat very closely. We went to the grocery store, got all sorts of very healthy options for our meals. We got a new melon. Galia...ever heard of it? So good. It is a hybrid melon from Israel. It tastes very much like cantaloupe. It is very sweet and best served cold.  We got lettuce so we could make lettuce sandwiches instead of bread.

School (Masters Program) has been stressing me lately. I have a big paper due this Monday. I have an online computer class with modules due all the time. I need to get my taxes done, plan a birthday party, get ready for my Art show, and I feel like I am sinking. So, what I find that I am doing is just putting it all off. Instead of doing school work, I am blogging right now, will be playing stupid Candy Crush or Matching with Friends or tending to my lovely farm animals on Farmville 2 later. I play these games because they tend to numb my brain and they do not require my thinking on my part. I promised my self I would sit down and work on at least one module for this computer class. So as soon as I'm done here I need to get to work. Maybe I'll sneak in one round of Candy Crush before I start, you know, to relax my brain!!

I mentioned planning a birthday party. Lilly will be One year old on April 3. So the problem comes in because that day falls on a Wednesday. The weekend before her birthday is Easter weekend. The weekend after her birthday is my All County Art Show, all day from 10:00 to 5:00!! So I need to figured out when and where we will have her party.  Speaking of Lilly, she saw a nutritionist the other day. She is eating more calories for her age than she needs however she is also as active as a three year old. So the plan is to add more calories to her daily diet. She is very healthy and small. Its ok. Brittany is the best mother around!! She is doing everything perfectly right for Lilly. Lilly is very lucky to have Brittany for her mommy. I love them both so much. I got to spend the entire weekend with them and I enjoyed every second of it and cried when they went home. I miss them both every day. Enough said.

Back to school. If anyone reading this, other than my school family, would like to donate food to our school food pantry, we could really use it. I am in charge of our food pantry. We send home back packs of food for the weekends to our families in need. Many of our students do not have much to eat over the weekends, some of them don't eat again until Monday morning when breakfast is served at school. So the Encore team developed a back pack program that allows them to have meals over the weekends. We have provided turkeys and bags of food forThanksgiving and hams and foods at Christmas. We would like to have hams for Easter. Our pantry is running low now. We have reached out to several local businesses and churches and many of them are trying to provide help. If you would like to donate or know of an organization that would like to help out please contact me at beckettk5@hotmail.com.

Supper smells sooooo good. I can not wait to eat!! Because the weight loss starts tomorrow!!
Hopefully you will see less of me soon!!

Buenas Noches,
KK

Lazy Day

I spent my day off in my pj's, yes I did, all day!! It was very enjoyable! I watched tv and played on the computer and a bunch of other stuff. One of the things I did was write a letter to the Ellen Show. She has a place to ask for a car for someone that needs one.  Brittany is in desperate need of a car. I hate that I am not able to get one for her. So I filled out the form and told them her story. The story of Lilly and how Brittany has to take her to doctors appointments and therapy visits by borrowing a car. She even needed to call the ambulance once because she has no car. I hate that I can't help her more than I do.

I spent the weekend with my parents. We had a very nice visit. We went shopping, out to eat, and just enjoyed spending time together. Mom helped me decorate the first floor bathroom. We did a beach theme. I love it. It looks so nice.

It's back to work tomorrow and I have a hundred things to do. I am getting to the point that I hate work. There is always something that has to be done, right away. I just can't teach. There is paperwork and other projects that need to be completed. I only have seven more years of this. Hopefully, I'll still love it as time passes.

I just realized that Lilly will be a year old in a month and a half. A year old!! It seems like yesterday she was just born. She has been the biggest blessing to our family. It seems like we have all gotten closer because of her. She is so happy, and she makes us all very happy. I smile every time I think of her precious face. I miss her so much. Sometimes I'm jealous that Jim gets to be with her everyday and I don't. She cried when she came to see me and I held her. It took her a few minutes to warm up to me. I don't think that would have happened if she were always with me. She reacted her little hands up to my face, took off my glasses, and felt all over my face, then laid her sweet head on my chest as if to say I remember you Mimi. I can't wait to hear what her voice will sound like. She has been signing a lot lately, even putting two words together. She is so smart.

It seems like since I have more time for myself I tend to do nothing. I need to be up exercising and doing more things that I like. So I plan on going to play poker one night this week. I miss playing cards and I miss my friends. As for the exercising, I guess I need to make time for that too (and actually do it). Why is it so hard to exercise? I just need to stand up and MOVE. But it is soooo hard. I wish I could run and get the same feeling my friends do. All I feel is pain everywhere and then exhaustion! So maybe I'll start with a walk. Ok, I promise one day this week I will walk, I promise! I promise! I will, really. I will also get my exercise ball blown back up. Bill that's on you! I need to borrow your air thingy, please.

Ok, to sum it all up...poker one day this week and walking one day. Sounds like a good plan!! Would it be too much to ask for a two hour delay or a snow day this week? I would like one really, really good snow, you know like 6 to 36 inches would be fine with me!! Off to lala land.

Good night all,
KK

It's been a while

It has been a long time since I have written anything. I have discovered that trying to write every night is just not going to work. I have finally moved the last of our belongings out of our house. The last car load left today. I am very happy to have all the behind me now.

I have found myself overwhelmed with grad work, school work, and home work. Trying to balance all of those is very tricky. There doesn't seem to be enough time for them all. So one or two of them seem to suffer. I feel like I should have some "me" time, but then I start to feel guilty that I am neglecting something else. So I sat myself down today and worked on my online computer class, in hopes of getting something crossed off my list. I feel good about the amount of work I completed. However, I am still feeling behind. I keep having these panic attacks and fears that I have forgotten something or that I will not get it all finished. So i am hoping that it's all under control.

Since the last time I wrote, Lilly has had a great report from the doctor...she does not have anything wrong with her growth hormone!! What a blessing from God!! The doctor thinks she might just be burning more calories than she takes in. She is such a good eater. She will eat anything Brittany fixes for her. She loves food. Brittany has been teaching her sign language and she is signing several words now. It is nice to know what she wants especially since she doesn't talk yet. She is such a sweet, happy baby. She is coming to see me this Friday. and I can't wait!

I also took Jim to the doctor. He has lost about 50 pounds. He looks very thin now. He looks like he is sick now. Before I had people tell me, "Well, he doesn't look sick." Just because someone doesn't look sick doesn't mean they are not sick. I have come to learn that a lot of people have no filter when it comes to dishing out their opinions. I have heard all sorts of rude stuff come out of peoples mouths regarding Jim, Lilly, and my friends baby because he happens to be small like Lilly. Why can't people just keep their nasty, hurtful comments to themselves instead of voicing them when no one wants to hear them. It seems like I have to watch what I say to them but they don't do the same thing. Ok enough of the bitching. I really am worried about Jim. I feel like he is just melting away. The doctor has changed up his medications so I am hope there will be a positive change soon.

I got to have lunch with one of my best friends today!! It was so nice to visit with her and catch up. It seems like yesterday when we first met at school. We talked about it today that when we met Jonathan was just two years old!! So small. Now he is all grown up.  Time sure does have a way of slipping by. We talked about the fact that now, along with two other friends, we are the oldest members of our school, not oldest in age but length of time at our school. WOW! It just boggles my mind. I can remember things from long ago and it really feels like yesterday.

Well, I'm all talked out and best head off to sleep because the alarm will be going off before I want it to.

Good Night All.
KK
PS--Good Morning Jeannine, I hope you are enjoying your breakfast!!:)

Life Moves In

So it's been over a week since I have written anything. My family came home last week and ended up staying for a while. Jim got very sick. So my nursing skills had to be employed. When he is home I always feel I need to be "on call". I don't have much time for myself. We had a three day weekend. It was nice but no me time at all.  Sunday, all the girls went to George Mason to the Wedding Event they had. It was very enjoyable. I was exhausted afterwards, of course.

Lilly had a doctors appointment and that was one of the reasons for the longer stay. She ended up admitted to the hospital. I hate when she has to be poked and prodded. She is such a good sport but she is so miserable. Her little face lights up my day!! My heart aches for her everyday. In her little life she has endured more than most people do over a lifetime. Yet she is the happiest baby ALL the time. Even in the midst of getting an IV she found things to smile about even though she was crying. She took her first steps over the weekend. She was holding a walking toy and walked across the living room. She is also learning to stand up on her on. She balances for a few second before she falls. She is growing up so fast. God love her!!

So, I got my long awaited snow day!! It was much needed! I could not sleep at all last night and I needed this day just to lounge around!! I baked some homemade bread. It was sooo good. I guess it would be greedy to ask for another day but that would be sweet. Stafford is already closed so there is hope. More snow for tomorrow and I'm loving it!! I hope I can watch it this time.

Most likely I will be a school tomorrow. I better head off to bed.

Good Night, Sleep Tight!!
KK

Day 15: Early Bird

Every night I find myself going to bed earlier and earlier. I head up the stairs a few minutes earlier each night. It seems like I'm always so tired in the morning. Maybe I'm not getting a full nights sleep. Speaking of the bed (sorta), I need a blanket. I really want an electric blanket. I've always had one but since the recent move, I no longer do. The temperature in the room is fine. I tend to get hotter these days, especially at night!! However, the sheets are very chilly and with Jim not in the bed, it stays cold. So my decision is: do I get an electric blanket for the entire bed or one of those electric throws. The throw would just warm up my spot before I get in. I will not be keeping either blanket on all night. I would be sweating all night if I did that. I have looked at my favorite store, Kohl's, for them and the king sized blanket is rather expensive. The throws are reasonable. I guess if I'm just using it for a small amount of time, just to warm my spot...a throw it is.

Now on to the hot, sweaty nights.  I am not sure if I am starting menopause or not. My mom (God help us all) started at like 40 years old. It lasted forever!! Really, I'm not kidding!! She was in her mid to late fifties when it was finally over. It was a long, torturous time. I can remember mood swings and hot flashes. It seems she had those ALL the time. So, I am not really experiencing the hot "flashes" but rather periods of being warm. It doesn't come on suddenly, it's more like I get hot easier and faster than before. So, is that the beginning? I have no clue. I do know that my periods have always been exactly on time except for a few times. Those times I was pregnant. I have been pregnant 4 times. Twice I had ectopic pregnancies. I had to have surgery both times. Then I was pregnant with Brittany, next was Jonathan. So lately, my periods have been late. Like this month, I should have started on or around the 8th, and I have no symptoms or regular signs of starting. I really don't know if I have been more moody lately. You would have to consult with my co-workers and my family. I think they will say I am always moody. So, I really don't know if I am starting menopause or not. I am 46 years old, I guess it will be happening soon enough.

Well, it is supposed to snow sometime, somewhere tomorrow. I'm really hoping it snows here and a lot. I just want to watch it snow and be able to enjoy it. It would be an added bonus to have the day off or to leave school early. However, I always find I get very excited, think about it a lot, and then I wake up, the snow event doesn't happen or it's just a dusting and we go to school, stay all day, and I'm faced with disappointment. So tonight, I will not think about it (too much) and I will not be disappointed when we stay at school all day because it's not going to do anything here.

So I did get my chinese food today. It was extremely spicy, hot. My mouth was on fire the entire time I was eating it. I forgot to order the rice to go with the chicken lettuce wraps. I think I just might have to stop getting that dish. My stomach was KILLING me by the afternoon. Maybe I should eat chinese in the safety of my own home...lol.

I am going to pack my snow boots in the car...just in case!
KK

Day 14: New Eyes

One of the requirements for my Masters is to complete many hours in my internship. Some of these hours need to be learning how to observe teachers. In my head I thought this will be easy, just watch, write down, and discuss. Well that's not the case. I went around with my principal today to observe teachers. The point of me tagging along was to understand what needs to be done, what to look at, what to look for, and how to actually do the observation. It was very eye-opening. We visited 4 different teachers. Every room was completely different. I found myself very nervous. I have always been the one being observed and I am always nervous when the principal walks in, even though I know what I am doing, my plans are working well, and the children know what's going on. But it is different when you are doing the observing. It was a great experience to see how other teachers teach.

I'm going to tell you something about myself and most of you are going to laugh and might not believe me. I'm very shy. I know you think differently. But I really am. I think that's why I was nervous when I entered the rooms to observe today. I am very shy when I am in a room with people I do not know. One the the things that I had to work hard at during this internship and Masters program is to learn to interact more with people. I had to make myself speak out in front of people. It has been very hard for me. When I was growing up I was very shy. I usually did not talk to anyone. During the Olweus Bully Prevention training, we discussed students in our schools that are being bullied. As a student, I was bullied. I hated going to school and riding the bus. I was picked on because of the color of my hair...red. It was not until college that I actually like my hair color. My mother would not let me change my hair color plus she made me keep it short.  I hated it!! My mother is a completely different discussion. That could go on for days.

I feel like I have rambled on tonight. I'm not sure if I have even made sense. Sorry if it is confusing. I'm very tired tonight. I was up at 4:00 again this morning.

I want chinese food tomorrow for lunch, just sayin' team.

KK

Day 11, 12, and 13--Missed Days

So, I have not blogged in a few days. I've been very busy taking care of my family. Jim, Brittany, and Lilly came home for the weekend. We had a very nice visit.

Class started tonight. It went well. Seems like it will not be too hard. It was nice to see everyone again. We have two people expecting babies and two that just had one. There really must be something going around or in the water. At my school we have five ladies pregnant and two that just had babies. We have maybe three that will be trying to get pregnant in the next year. In all the years I have been at my school that is by far the most babies ever.

Since I have been at my school this is also the most turn over we have had. Many people leaving, retiring earlier, or making a move away from our building. There are many different reasons for all this movement, but there is an underlying theme. I have been there for 16 years. I think I am getting old now. I can remember when I arrived I was one of the younger teachers and I always looked up to all the older ladies that had been there many more years than I. Now I think I am one of those older teachers. The young ones are probably saying, "Wow she's been here forever, wonder when she's gonna retire?" Seven years baby!! Seven years. It's a great feeling knowing that you have more years of work behind you than left in front of you. When I am finished with my Masters, I want to explore some new job positions, eventually making it to Assistant Principal. I don't really know if I want to be the Principal. It's a hard role to take on. It's a lonely position to be in. It is very hard to have friends at that level. I enjoy my friends and need them in my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help and love of my friends.  Thanks to all of you.

I feel like I must say something about this weather. It's very frustrating to me. If it is going to be cold it needs to snow. It is Winter and in the Winter it snows. Last year was the year of NO snow. So it's only fair that this be the Winter of a lot of snow. It can be a several different snows of moderate proportion or a couple of extremely deep snows. I'm not really picky as long as it snows, I can watch it snow, and I get out of school. Very simple...I'm easy to please!! What does the Farmer's Almanac say about the Winter for this year? Anyone know?? Is it ever right? I don't know why I am asking all these questions, I never get any answers.

Watching Transformers...need to add that to the list of favorite movies...watch it every time it's on.  It's getting close to that time.

Night all,

KK

Day 10: Long Day

Of course I woke up at the butt crack of dawn and could not fall back to sleep until the alarm was about to go off. Naturally, at that point I was sleepy again!! Very long day but in good company.

Loving life today...made homemade pizzas, salad, and even got to have dessert. Watched my soap, Dr. Oz, and Grey's Anatomy. It was sooo good. Love that show. It is so nice just to sit and do what I want without having to do something for anyone. Starting Monday, school starts again and I will be stressed again. Hopefully, I will still have time to blog.

So got some good tips from Dr. Oz today. I need to eat more squash, cashews, and drink tart cherry juice. Apparently, the tart cherry juice not only helps you sleep but is an anti-inflammatory and helps reduce free radicals. I need the anti-inflammatories for my hips. They hurt so much by the end of the day. So, I'm off to Walgreens to see if they have it in the store. As for the squash, I need an acorn squash. I have never made it before but I saw it done at school. They put a little bit of butter and brown sugar on it, backed it, and it was delicious. And the cashews are an excellent source for good fat. They had a recipe for a salad dressing that sounded amazing. Must try it.

Helped JJ apply for a job. Hope he gets one. He really wants to start working. I love him so much!
He's my baby. I can't believe my kids are grown. It seems just like yesterday I was bringing them home from the hospital. Time really does fly by. Before you know it, I will be very old.

Speaking of growing old, I guess, I get to look forward to "the change". I think I will save that discussion for another night!!

Happy Thursday night, almost Friday,
KK

Day 9: Unsupervised

This is how I feel. Unsupervised. And the possibilities are most definitely endless.  I have more opportunities to do what I want, when I want.

We've been watching Dr. Oz so far this month because the entire month is about being healthier and losing weight. Many of the tips are good. I want this new kitchen gadget that was on the show today. It is a veggies curler?!?! It slices veggies in a curly pattern. I thought it was very interesting. Though I do not know if you eat the curly raw or cook them in some sort of recipe. So I need to do a little research on this gadget first.

I will be out of school for the next to days at a county training. So I feel like my work week is over. I consider any days without children an easy day. I will miss being there because I have to put some really cool lessons on hold while I'm out, which just put those classes behind the others. My grad class starts this upcoming Monday. Printed the syllabus, and I had to reload the printer paper because it was so long. Not looking forward to this class. I also have to take the SLLA exam for administrators this semester at $500 a pop. So, I really can not afford to fail it!!

So, Lilly has to go back to the endocrinologist to discuss growth hormones. That means she will be getting shots every day and most likely until she stops growing. She has a cardiologist appointment on Friday. She was born with two holes in her heart. So, hopefully, with this visit we will see that those holes closed up on their own. I hate all the things she has to go through at such a young age. I miss her today. Don't get me wrong, I miss her everyday, just a lot more today.

I have a few questions to ponder:

Why does cable have to be so expensive?
Who decided a week consisted of working 5 days and being off only 2 days?
Why can't we work 4 days and be off 3? (with the same pay)
When is it going to SNOW? I am in great need of about 6-12 inches, oh hell, give me 18 inches. I just want some snow and time off.
Why do some people work harder than others and why do those slackers get away with it? I know if I were the slacker I would be in trouble!!
Why do people talk about you behind your back?

Any answers? Let me know.

Off to the big, ole bed.
KK

Day 8: Me again

Family's all gone...house is quiet again. AHHHH. I must go to bed early tonight because I spent most of my time last night rolling over and over and over, slightly irritated that my partner was sleeping soundly. I know this, because of his incessant snoring that vibrated my bed and me! Who was the person that decided a man and woman needed to share a bed? I'm sure it was a man!! I think we should be like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. Two beds, separated by a night stand. Only problem with that is once the old man starts snoring he's too far away to punch.

I have three things to add to my To Do List...

1. I want to go to New York City.
2.  I need to get a pedicure ( apparently that must happen frequently according to one gf)
3.  Now that I have time, I need to clean out my car.
4. Scuba lessons....(still not so sure about that)
5.  I want to take a hot mud bath. ( if anyone knows where I can do this, let me know)
6.  I want to go to Florida.
7. I want to go on a cruise.

Oh my, tomorrow is Wednesday...Zumba day. I promised Danielle I would go. I am so not ready for that. If you have changed your mind let me know. I am just as happy to go straight home and exercise in the privacy of my own home. 

So the art project I brought home to work on has been sitting in the same place since it arrived here. I need to make some time for it. Also, I have a book on my Kindle from my favorite author, Stuart Woods, that I need to finish. I bought it months ago. There is another book out in the series and I'm behind. If you like mystery, drama, suspense, action, and a little sex, he's your man. Start with his older books and enjoy. He has a few reoccurring characters so be sure to read those selections in order.

Talking about favorites...love strawberries, grapes, and cantaloupe. Love seafood, shrimp and crabs the most, hate oysters, yuck!! My all time favorite food is...wait for it...ICE CREAM!! Love, Love, Love it!! My favorite movie of all times in An Officer and a Gentleman, next fav is tied between, Titanic, Shawshank Redemption, and Taken. Favorite season...hands down, Winter--if it snows. Now to be contradictory, favorite place to go--the beach!! Favorite old TV show--Bewitched and I Love Lucy, favorite newer shows, Big Bang, General Hospital, Charmed, Grey's Anatomy. There will be a Grey's party on Thursday night. We are making homemade pizzas and settling in for the return on Grey's at 9:00. 

Jó éjszakát, (Good Night in Hungarian, yes I speak some)

KK

Day 7: To Do List

There are a few things that I would like and need to do. So I want to create a list so I can keep track of them all. A few friends have added items for me.

1. I want to go to New York City.
2.  I need to get a pedicure ( apparently that must happen frequently according to one gf)
3.  Now that I have time, I need to clean out my car.
4. Scuba lessons....(still not so sure about that)

Short list for now. Please feel free to make suggestions.

I have had a great time with my whole family being home. It's very nice. Lillybug has been a joy, as always. Her doctor's appointment went well. She has only gained one pound since her last visit in December.  She will have to go beck to the endocrinologist to check her growth hormone levels:( Hopefully, we will not need the shots. I will miss them all this week.

Night all!
KK

Day 6: Sharing a Bed

Tonight, I must share my bed. Hubby is home so I have to stay to my side. My side....that has been the entire bed lately. Oh well, I'll stay on one part at least. We went out to dinner tonight. For those of you that know us and our situation, that is a rarity. It was very nice. We took JJ and Lillybug.

It's so nice to have Lilly here with me. She has to go to the doctor tomorrow for her 9 month check-up. Nine months already...seems just like yesterday she arrived. Time really does fly. She has to get her weight checked. Hopefully she has gained enough weight since last month. If not we have to go back to the endocrinologist. Let's pray she gained a lot!!

I got to go to lunch today with my bestie. It was so good to visit with her again...like old times. I miss you!

Watched part of the game today. I hate that the skins lost but we sure did do better than last year!!

Long week ahead, and I am going back to Zumba, Danielle! I promise!! I'm not sore anymore!

Lillybug kisses!!
KK

Day 5: Weekend

Why is it that every weekday I struggle desperately to get up when the alarm goes off at 6:30. I drag my weary, tired self out of the bed and into the shower. Saturday morning arrives and I'm bright eyed and bushy-tailed a 5:30!! Can not make myself fall back to sleep. Now I'm exhausted and it's only 7:00 pm.

I've been up all day. Went to Walmart...big mistake!! It was so overcrowded and everyone was crazy. I just needed milk and a few other items. So left there to go to my favorite grocery store...Wegmans. Rented a movie for tonight after I got a few groceries. Came home to watch my movie and can not for the life of me make a simple dvd player work. How is it that a 10 year old can make any piece of electronics work, without effort, but I can't even play a movie? So I sit here two hours later watching TV instead of the movie I paid for. Waiting for JJ to come home to play the movie for me.

As my friends can tell you, I have been in a decorating dilemma. I need a few things up on the walls and I am having trouble making decisions. You would think having an art background would make it very easy to decorate, but I can not make a single decision. I don't know what I want and I don't know what colors to get. I'm sure I have irritated my girlfriends. They have tried to help me but I just can't commit to anything. Sorry Ladies.

The hubs comes home for a visit tomorrow. I miss him but I'm not ready for the visit. I have to put my wife hat on which means I will be very busy doing things to help him. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, but it sure is nice to come home after work and literally do absolutely nothing if that's what I feel like doing!!

On the other hand, I get to babysit Lillybug tomorrow afternoon. Brittany and Sean are going out to dinner. So MiMi and Lilly will be playing all afternoon. I can't wait. I love that little angel soooo much.

Well, with no decisions made, no artwork worked on, no chores done, I am heading up to my room, climbing in my very big, very empty bed to dream my way to tomorrow morning. Hopefully, I will not be up again, at the butt crack of dawn.

Sweet dreams.
KK

Day 4: Friday, Friday

I didn't get to go to Happy Hour today :( I had to help load boxes. That's all I have to say about that!!

I did, however, find an art project to work on. I started it about three years ago and it has been sitting in my room ever since...untouched. It's tiles cut to make a design. I want to grout it when I'm finished. My plan was to give it to my Daddy. He likes my art and appreciates it. I might have to keep this one though. So, this is what I'll be working on for now. Any suggestion for grout color??

Tomorrow begins the To Do List of things I would like to do and places I'd like to go.

KK

Day 3: Normal?

Is it normal to be soooo sore? I mean all my muscles are sore, everyone..really, I'm not kidding. I tried to put my shirt on and it was hard to lift my arms. Zumba really kicked my a**. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it feels good to feel sore. ??!! It means I did something yesterday...I worked out...I burned some calories...I moved a tiny step closer to Moving Me to a better healthier person. The soreness is proof that I did it.

So I did nothing today when I got home but watch two DVR shows. That's a rarity. Usually, I get about ten minutes into my show and I'm called to wife or mom duty. But not tonight, dinner in hand, I sat uninterrupted, and completed two shows. Then wife duty started, over the phone, no less. I'm sorry but my superwoman powers, to fix all things, do not work over the phone. Crisis solved, for now.

So tomorrow I really want to skip the fixing my hair and doing my makeup. My face is broken out, even though I have washed it before going to bed. But I have gotten so many compliments...man I must really look bad without makeup!! So maybe I'll just do a mini version tomorrow. Besides I can't afford to be late for work again.

I get to go to Happy Hour after work. I'm very excited about this! I might even go play poker at the local pub!! Who knows...the weekend is mine. But I need to work on some school stuff and I must find an art project to work on. That's my goal for tomorrow, art project.

Off to bed...
KK

Day 2--Zumba

All I can say is O H  M Y  G O D!!! So I let Danielle talk me into going to Zumba class. First of all, I have ZERO rhythm!! When I say ZERO, I am being generous. It was a difficult class not because I couldn't breath or I am so out of shape, or it was so intense...it was because I had to really concentrate on not stumbling over my own feet and falling flat on my backside!! I felt like I was an elephant trying to tap dance on a tightrope...

Actually, that elephant looks somewhat graceful.

The instructor was awesome, physically fit, and sexy. I had none of those qualities today. She kept yelling suck in those abs...really??!! What she really wanted to say was suck in that BELLY FAT! And trust me if I could suck in my belly fat I would not need to go to Zumba class. We had been working out for a VERY long time and we stopped for a water break. I casually asked Danielle, "How much time is left?" (thinking in my head we are very close to being finished and feeling very proud that I kept up and did every single routine). Her response..."30 more minutes." What?! Was she serious? No way! Those last thirty minutes seemed like 5 hours!

I am finding muscles, that I didn't even know I had. They are sore! I don't have a big huge bath tub for soaking anymore since I moved so I guess I'm off to the shower. I need a handful of Motrin and an Excedrin PM otherwise it will be impossible to get up in the morning.

Speaking of morning, the whole getting up early and fixing my hair and makeup for work was sorta a bust. I took my shower and realized I needed to dry my hair before I could curl my hair. So no curling today just blow drying. I managed makeup. I was almost late for work due to all this "fixing up". Got to school and received several nice compliments from various friends but the best one came from a kindergarden student.  "Mrs. Beckett, you look beautiful today...why did you fix your hair?"

One day this week I must do something artsy. I had that on my to do list and I really need to just do it.
Good night.

KK

Day 1--New Year, New Adventures

Ok, so today is the start of a new year and so starts the 365 days towards Moving Me.

Things I experienced today...(chuckle, chuckle),

I curled my hair! To a lot of you that may seem silly. I have not used a curling iron in almost ten years!! I usually pull my hair up into a hair bow and just go. IF my hair needed to be fixed, Brittany usually did it and that was not often. Once, about 5 years ago I actually went to the hairdresser to have my hair fixed because I was going to a fundraiser ball for Jim's company.

Jim and I ready for the Ball

So today, in my attempt to move to a better me, I decided to curl my hair. It took me about ten minutes to figure out the correct direction to turn the iron to make my hair curl. I proceeded to drop the curling iron on my head and then burnt my finger! I also thought makeup would be good. I realized I had no makeup brushes and thought a Q-tip would do the job just fine until I swiped my eyeball instead of my eyelid! I was doing all this fixing up because I was going to brunch with my girlfriends. Another something I have not done in many years. By the way, this is the first New Years Eve and Day that I have not spent with my family...ever.

I really enjoyed my lunch with the girls, but I kept having this nagging feeling that I needed to hurry home to take care of the kids or Jim. It was a very odd feeling. We actually had lunch,  went for dessert and coffee, then went shopping. I didn't get home until after 5:00 pm. One more thing new experience, I have been to Kohl's three times in three days. NEVER have I done this before and I'm not sure it's a habit I want to fall into. But it sure was fun.

So I guess what I have done for myself today was attempt to improve my physical appearance. Hair and make-up. Apparently, according to my girlfriend, one must get her toes done more than once a year! So that will be added to my long list of things I must do.

I was invited to go to a Zumba class tomorrow. Not sure if I'm really ready to shake my belly fat in front of a bunch of strangers but I have to start somewhere. The weight will not magically fall off, trust me I have tried that approach before. So in the morning, I will get up earlier than usual, to attempt curling my hair for work, add makeup, pack my own lunch and find my tennis shoes so I can Zumba my way to a thinner me.

I'm tired and it's still early. I think I will go to bed early tonight...another thing made possible by being alone.

Goodnight,

KK